The Agony of Waiting

A family trip to a Costa Rican beach at the age of eight carries memories of Dad's injuries on a reef while snorkeling, my sister burnt pink and my brush with death. My friends and I swam in the waves as moms chatted on the beach. When suddenly a mighty force sucked me down and away from safety. I clamored in the dark, breath escaping, terror on every side. Then, clasp... A rock fills my small hands as the water rushed past. And as suddenly as I was pulled away, the ocean catapulted me in summersaults toward the beach. Choking for air, I stumbled towards my mother, exclaiming my brush with death. She murmured "Uh-huh" in that characteristic Mommy-distracted way. Even though my rescue went unnoticed, I scampered on with full assurance that God had saved me; and He knew it, too.

So, yesterday, I faced another grueling day of waiting. Waves of unknown possibilities raced past me as I clamored the minutes for reassurance and hope. Then His words, written for me, said, "I am your rock". Safety. But, can I trust God's safety? Life is hard, scary and the promise of Paradise is not for this life. Can I hold on? Or will I be washed away by this sea of darkness?

Then a reminder, a rock of promise cupping my hands. The image of a guiltless man dying in agony on a cross, waiting... Waiting for the end. But, this savior, my savior, faced his darkness with no Savior. His father would not rescue him, but instead rejected him in disgust. The sky turned dark, and as the waves of death pull Jesus, he let go and did not reach for safety. He cried in agony to his father, but still let the waves take him. God, his father, did not give him a rock. He let him die.

Father and son waited in agony for three days. Separated. Then a catapult. The Father grabbed is lifeless son and took him to shore, completely restored. This resurrection became the promise for me, my family, and any who will believe that God overcame death. The great terrors and despairs of this world will not take me out to sea and leave me there alone. Unlike Jesus, the Father, has given me a rock. Salvation. If I believe that Jesus died for me, that someone with the power over death really made a way for me to escape eternal, terror-filled darkness, then I will reach Paradise.


This promise of blissful rest became food for the day; a taste of Paradise. No matter how hard my waiting, it will never be like the waiting of Jesus on the cross. What strong love; compelling me to live in grateful hope, as God continues rescuing my frightened mind endless images of Paradise.

House Cleaning - Part 2

I've been organizing my home to maximize space, simplify my cleaning and live in a more cost-effective and eco-friendly way. Here are some things I've tried so far that have been working:

Gathered chords under my desk

I bought two shoe racks. One for my laundry room to hang cleaning supplies. It has eliminated a vast amount of clutter, helped my easily find products. And it will keep me from buying multiples. The second shoe rack is on the back of the pantry door. It holds oatmeal packs, straws, chocolate chips, and other small items that clutter my pantry.

Yesterday I used the lemon in the showers and it made them look brand new, even my husband noticed. One bathroom faucet lost nearly all of its stains I inherited from the previous owner! This one lemon did more than my bottle of 409 has ever done.

I bought a pack of three-in-one skirt hangers from Walmart and picked my boots up off the closet floor. Ahhh,  floor space...

 I bought a tackle box in the fishing department at Walmart and organized the battery packs floating around in my kitchen door!

 I bought a cereal box from Kroger and if anything, it helps me feel cleaner, asid from the fact that it is working. I dropped the middle consul in the van and placed it in between the seat, along with my purse.

I've been doing this for a few years, but it works and I love it. Take a lint roller to your lamp shades. Its works so fast!

This morning I gave our coffee pot its first vinegar treatment. Don't ask how long its been since I've had the coffee maker. But, it should help improve the taste of our Dunkin Donuts coffee. Take one cup of vinegar and two cups of water, pour in, with a clean coffee filter. Run the coffee pot. Unplug and let it sit for 15-20 minutes. Pour our water and dispose of the filter. Fill pot with water and run the coffee maker two times to get rid of the vinegar taste. Use a paper towel to wipe down the interior crevices while there is moisture.



** All images gathered from the web and pinterest. My own aren't far off!

House Cleaning Made Easier!

I've found some new tips that have been changing how I care for the home. Dare I say that I'm actually enjoying it a lot more?! Here is what I've started doing that's actually working:

1. Clean one room daily for 10 mins and do not leave that room until the time is up (I use a timer). Leave one 15-45 mins cleaning for the weekend, but let it be a specific task that needs more than 10 minutes.

2. Work in one direction, like clockwise, and then from top to bottom.

3. Run the dishwasher at night and empty it in the morning.

4. Do a morning and evening cleaning burst to straighten up for the day; like making sure the sink is empty.


More to come later. Let me know what's working for you!

Buffalo Chicken Dip, Slaves & Flurries

This Monday we had friends over for the AL vs LSU game. I had so much fun setting up some decorations, making some 'guy food' for Jonathan and his buddies. My Blue Moon was mighty tasty! Coming from a wine girl, that's saying something!! The guys LOVED the beef hoagies and buffalo chicken dip; though I'm not a fan of Buffalo flavored anything.

And there is nothing like some winter flurries to inspire writing. What I can't get out of my head is what I read this past weekend in Matthew 24:42-51. Jesus encourages listeners to lookout for his return. His words have inspired my work as house manager and mother. He compares His relationship with his followers to that of a slave and his master (keep the early 1st century cultural context of 'slave & master' in perspective). He says, "Who then is the faithful and sensible slave whom his master put in charge of his household to give them their food at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. Truly I say to you that he will put him in charge of all his possessions."

So, as I care for the home, its actually not my household nor Jonathan's, its God's. He has entrusted me with His home and the precious lives in it. I'm often tempted to ignore the girl's needs and delay meeting them in order to pursue my own interests ("for a break") but the question is are they getting their needs met at the "proper time"? I'm am so motivated to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to caring for this home and giving thoughtful and purposeful training in raising these girls.

I would love for Jesus to return and welcome him in my home. This has been a positive cure for laziness, fear-driven labor or people-pleasing. I have been placed in care of God's home, this home. And if I am faithful with it, God will place me in care of his possessions. Mind-boggling. Why succumb to cultural pressures to get a corporate job in order to feel valuable and significant. I am significant because I am God's and He has placed me in charge of the most treasured things of His!

Applying the faith and work concept

This morning I am touched by the encouragement of Charles Spurgeon to bask in the words "I will be their God" in Jeremiah 31:33. And then I read in Matthew 28, "I am with you always". The goal is experiencing the presence of God. The work? To practice and remember this reality throughout today.

Faith & Work: As a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Right now I work part-time with Mary Kay Cosmetics (don't laugh!) but most of my full-time work is as a home manager and mother. I'm interested in talk directed towards the role of faith and work in the life of the stay-at-home mother. So far, most is limited in scope, imagination and application.

I have not arrived at any firm conclusions, but the following thoughts and parallels stand out and are written from my Christian worldview:

1. When faith is present, one's identity is not in the type of profession, but in being part of the Church. In other words, I am not a stay-at-home-mom, but a woman who belongs to the body of Christ and who,  for now, works in the home. This opens so many doors for learning how to live out the buzz word, "your identity in Christ".

2. Many American Christians have become secularized by adopting the "right to choose" as the most basic and fundamental human value. For a stay-at-home-mom it can mean choosing which activities won't conflict with the family (cultural) goal of rest and recreation. After all, American culture works to play. Work, by and large, is no longer meaningful; meaning is found in recreation with billions of dollars  spent on it each year. If I am truly changed by the parable of The Good Samaritan, who stopped to aid an undesirable at great expense to his purse, his reputation, physical safety and time; then I must submit my choices to the interests of Christ.

3. Hyper-regulation of time or the extreme lack of discipline with it can lead to selfish pleasure or comfort living. I know from lots of personal experience. How do I fight against this form of cultural naval-gazing? For one example, I can look at the evangelical church. The older a church gets, the less it tends to engage society and the more it looks inward. Just as a church can become divided the older it gets, so can a family.

Jonathan and I have started out thrilled with the new lives around us. But, how can we use this season of "bunker living" to build a firm foundation in Christ's strength and direction? We could just survive. Somehow blow through these years with some happy memories and avoid the weaknesses exposed in ourselves and in our marriage because of the financial, time and physical pressures involved in raising small children. But, just like the beginning years of the early Church in the book of Acts, these bunker years set the tone for the future.

Back in the late 80's, Tim Keller described American evangelical churches as a bunch of schools. Mostly talking, little doing. Since our home is a little church, are we a lot of talk and little doing? Will the girls learn to talk with an immigrant worker's child in their classroom, or an international student (and future world leader) at their university, or will they just "know" that being friends with such people is good but only know how to engage with those who are anglo, educated and suburban? Will they know how to forgive and ask for forgiveness, how to spend money, how to submit to their husband and in so doing love the connection of that submission with how Christ submitted his will to live for their salvation?

These early, helpless years (for both parents and children), shape the older years. Unlike a young church that later turns inward, sometimes collapsing or dividing, I hope we will counter such trends and I think it begins by learning how to bring faith into the work of building a family. This is where connecting our identity with a church is vital. The church is messy at best, but its identity is connected to God and learning how of His love for the church is a key to learning how to live as a person and a family.

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly of Today!

The GOOD:
* Saturday morning pancake breakfast
* Eating dinner, which I didn't cook, at Cracker Barrel
* Playing dollies, Buzz, Woody, and Tinker Bell with Riley
* Having time for a spot of tea, from the favorite tea cup

The BAD:
* Jon having to work
* 9 month old Cara eating an entire large Kroger sticker that Riley gave her
* Riley choking and then crying at Cracker Barrel
* Having to change my clothes 4 times today


The UGLY:
* Suddenly coughing and then vomiting all over Cara (and myself) while changing her diaper and the doctor calling me back at the same time to check on Cara's swallowed sticker
* Cara later spitting up on me, again, after my clean shower
* Watching Dumbo three times today

Favorite Things for Today

So far, these are some of things making today special:

* Drinking tea out of my favorite tea cup
* Getting fully dressed (with makeup) before waking the girls
* These words by Charles Spurgeon, "Absence from Christ is hell; but the presence of Jesus is heaven."
* Fixing Riley's hair in a striking ponytail and seeing Cara smile as we practiced her sitting up!
* The new app "CCEL Bible" with morning/evening devotions by Spurgeon and Thomas A Kempis

These are a lot cheaper than Ellen's or Oprah's Favorite Things!!!

Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Life now...

Highlights from the past two months: Halloween is SO fun with a little Minnie Mouse running around! I love hearing Cara's baby laugh! Increasing my work with Mary Kay Cosmetics has been challenging and fun, even while toting two kids around town! Recent lessons have come in discovering new ways to love Jon and in accepting the incredible notion that caring for a home and two kids is God's BEST for my life right now. Contentment in this has brought much joy, freedom and focus for my life. Watching the first snow this morning just adds to the overall blessing of today!

My Parents and a Cure for Anxiety

Last night I awoke at 3am and could not go back to sleep. My eyes wide open and mind racing from one unfinished thought to the next. Some thoughts were heavy, some were not. I finally opted for a sleeping pill, but I remained anxious. As I rolled over, yet again, I prayed, "God, instruct my heart". Moments later, and seemingly out of no where, the following stream of conscious flowed through my mind.

Growing up, I was always extremely proud of my parents; their love for others and for our family. As a child, and later as a young adult, my heart beamed with pride whenever I met someone and they connected me to my parents, Jay and Maureen.

Once I left my job in professional ministry and later married, I gladly took on my new last name and the adventures before us. But, I didn't anticipate facing my own sense of inconsequentiality. What had I accomplished or ever done for others? I had not raised a family. I had not sacrificed so much comfort to go live in 3rd world country. I had not buried parents. I was not an executive pastor nor a wise and respected woman. I was just Jenny. Trying to make it as a young bride, in foreign jobs and in new cities.

As a child, I wore my parent's clothing. In a way, I found my identity based on their successes, their character, and so on. On my own, I raced to prove myself; that I was worth loving. But, deep inside I felt like a fraud and a fake.

My journey in finding a new identity is for another entry. But, last night, as I lied in bed, overwhelmed with life responsibilities and uncertainties, God gave me peace. I was once righteous, secure and loved because of who my parents were and what they had done. But, now, I wear Christ's clothing and I am righteous, secure and loved by God because of what Christ did on the cross for me. And no failure of mine can ever take that away.

Suddenly a relaxing warmth rushed over me as I pondered these truths. Christ had lived the life I should have lived. He loved others the way I should have. He succeeded the way I should have. I don't have to be alone as "just Jenny". I don't have to prove myself to my husband nor to those around me. My life is significant because Christ died for me. Within minutes my body relaxed, the pain left me and I slept. Sleeping pill or God... you can debate what put me to sleep. All I know is that my heart was instructed at a deeper level than before and I was rocked to sleep with encouragement coming from outside of myself (because we all know that I'm not that smart nor coherent at 3 in the morning!).

Riley's 3rd Birthday!

I had the best day! We had a small party with my brother and his wife and with Bob and Mimi. Some highlights: Riley in awe of the Minnie Mouse decorations as she drew in her breath and said "I love it"; watching her excitement over the polk-a-dot birthday cake and blowing out her own candles; watching her give hugs and kisses to family; hearing her say "Bob, hey Bob" over and over; watching her put on every piece of dress of clothes; having Jeff and Mary Elizabeth drive up for the day; falling asleep with a smile on my face; hearing Riley's squeals of delight with each gift. What a day. I can't wait for the main gift that's coming Riley's way - tickets to Disney on Ice to see Minnie ice skate. She's gonna FLIP OUT! And to think how much God loves to give me even greater gifts than the ones I give Riley. Why do I so often doubt His love for me?!

Meg Ryan, a Witch and a Geisha

Every time I see the beginning of 'You've Got Mail', where Meg Ryan walks blissfully down the streets of NY, coffee in hand, music in the background; something deep inside me wants to be her. Independent. Elphaba in "Wicked" wants to 'defy gravity' and pursue a life free of constraints and judgements. Sayuri in "Memoirs of a Geisha" spends her whole life trying to break away from her financial dependence.

My once hidden attitude of "You're not the boss of me" has really come to the forefront in the roles as wife and mother. With Jon, its how I resist his suggestions, make excuses or delay in keeping my word because in reality - I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it and how I want to do it.

As a mother, I'm presently faced by the similar attitude in my two year old - how to teach obedience "without challenge, without excuse and without delay" (Tripp). The girls will learn what to look for in husband from Jon's example. But, they will learn how to follow (or submit) to employers, teachers, the law, or to the leadership of their husbands from me.

The Bible says, "submit to one another". Although this is not directed only to women, God does issue this particular command more often to women because it cuts at the heart of where we place our trust - in self as boss. The Bible goes on to say that we submit "out of reverence for Christ". What's to revere about an ancient man who was seemingly too weak to say anything in his own defense and in so submitting it cost him his life on a cross?

It takes tremendous strength to submit and not challenge; humility to honor another above one's self, and faith that in dying to self you will not go unnoticed by God. Jesus showed plenty of confidence in public before his trial; yet, he intentionally stayed quiet because he knew his death would secure the salvation of many. He loved too much and so withstood the physical pain, the blows to his reputation, the burden of God's rejection because of his faith in God. He knew that with death came resurrection.

Entering my new role of motherhood and exploring even further depths in my marriage is like what I'd picture suddenly moving to the Congo would be like - insane, filled with peril and little glory (no offense to Congo). But, I will do this because I owe too much to Christ, am too excited about the personal outcome, and too concerned for the future of my children and the world around me to not enter into it. Death can mean resurrection; for those who chose it.

Grief, Faith and Nancy Guthrie

Last night, while visiting with friends over coffee, our host, Nancy Guthrie, shared from her journey through the deaths of two children. I was struck by her willingness to lay her heart bare, especially after weekends of speaking engagements and hosting grieving families this last weekend. How does she find strength to revisit the memories, the emotions, the loss, without growing bitter or consumed by self-pity? That kind of strength, courage and selflessness must come from God.

How can I respond differently when life abruptly, painfully changes? In listening to her, I took away that there is no list of things "to do". When confronted with loss, there is only faith. Faith that God is good and that He is involved in working all things for GOOD for those who love Him.

But, where does faith come from? How can one have it? Faith is a gift from God and all I have to do is ask Him for it. I was humbled by two things as I walked away last night - (1) all the times I've said nothing to grieving friends out of fear and in turn possibly hurt them and (2) how while pregnant I often saw my condition as a 'burden I must bear' instead of as precious time to care for a child. If ever I am blessed to be pregnant again, I will think of how Nancy Guthrie carried her children and look at those 9 months differently. And the next time I see a grieving friend, I hope I will have the courage to be uncomfortable and tell them I care.

I found Nancy's website today: www.nancyguthrie.com and am considering her book "Holding on to Hope".

Walmart, Tatoos and Viagra

Ok, so I wasn't going to bombard friends with another post, but I have to tell this story. Last night, when forced to the local Walmart pharmacy, I painfully watched the Pharmacist and a Latino gentleman not communicate. I offered to translate to which the gentleman gratefully asked for me to help him get his prescription for Viagra filled! The Pharmacist asked what the problem was, (why?), and I had the joy of hearing his explanation!!! Minutes later, while in our next line, Riley suddenly starts laughing at a man behind us. It turns out he was covered in tatoos head to toe, with gaping holes in his ear lobes. Anyone have suggestions on how to teach your child not to laugh at others? I was mortified. I can't blame her innocence though when it looked like he'd taken a Sharpie to his head and body, coupled with Papua New Guinea style holey earlobes. Walmart, man, its a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.

Riley's first day of preschool!

The loaded report from the teacher was, "She really missed you." Hmmm... I laughed with Jon when we saw her walking around the playground with her huge blankie - meant for nap time. I was amazed at how she clearly communicated what went on that day while we were in the car  - good times. And I loved how while Jon worked that night, how Riley got really sick with a high temp and stomach bug!!!

After disappearing for half a year...

I'm back, with a renewed sense of energy for pursuing this blogging thing. Since my last post, I had my second child, Cara in the spring and enjoyed a summer packed full of time with extended family. The girls are growing so fast, I can hardly keep up or remember what they were like even two months ago!

Plumbing problems are no fun!

After the gushing water that poured into our breakfast nook yesterday morning, I now have a new appreciation for the challenges that TN flood victims faced this last year. Our problem is a small leak/clog that costs a bunch of money and is a big inconvenience. Nothing compared to what flood victims faced. Although, I am getting really tired of the fans and dehumidifier loudly droning in my ears!!!!

This week's encouraging quote!

"Father, You have helped me to see that I am to take care of the possible where the children are concerned, and to trust You for the impossible. Now please help me to understand the difference."  ~ Gigi Graham Tchividjian

Jenny, a blogger?

After some urging from family and friends that record my thoughts on things I'm learning and reading, well I thought I'd give it a try! I hope it will be fun!