Wondrous Engravings

"Behold I have graven you upon the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:16

Lately I have often doubted and feared God, believing he may have forgotten me. And yet, God, says that this is not possible since I am engraved into his hands. The thoughts of Spurgeon on these words give a new depth of comfort. He says, "[God] keeps his promise a thousand times, and yet the next trial makes us doubt him. [The verse] does not say, 'Your name.' The name is there, but that is not all: "I have graven you." I have graven your person, your image, your case, your circumstances, your sins, your temptations, your weaknesses, your wants, your works; I have graven you, everything about you, all that concerns you; I have put you altogether there."

Jesus engraved me into his palms when he gave his hands over to have the nails driven through; my whole person on his mind in those dreadful hours. And still today, my whole life on his mind every time he sees the scars. No bitterness. They are like an engagement ring, reminding him of his love for me and my belonging to him. Someday I will see the wounds in person and my belief in his love for me will sore to heights unknown. For now. Faith. However small. Tears. Sighs. Laughs. Trust; that his love is not earned by any 'right living' of mine or yours, but by fierce, sacrificial, brave, forgiving love of a person who is beyond our wildest imaginings.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone...

If I claim to be a Christian, then what difference does it make in my life now, today? These are follow-up thoughts, or part II, of the last entry.

"If we have hope in Christ only for this life, we are the most miserable people in the world." I Cor. 15:19  A strong statement about the purpose of trusting God. If I only trust God for things in this life, then what's the point? Why not medicate suffering with endless parties, drinks to forget, sex to salve, food to fill emptiness, the latest clothing to coverup, work to fulfill, etc... If I trust in God only for this life, then I am foolish because I can't see God. Why trust in unseen possibilities?

Trusting in God matters in this life because of the promises He makes with those who believe him for the next life. I can know, with certainty that all my present disappointments, confusion, suffering and sorrow will be caught up in beauty and purpose when after my death I meet God face to face. At that moment I will say, "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy." Psalm 30:11 Yet, because of that hope, I can wear clothing of joy today, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of dark times.

"We serve God whether people honor or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are well known, but we are treated as unknown. We live close to death, but here we are, still alive... Our hearts ache, but we always have joy." II Corinthians 6:8-10

The words of the old hymn, "Be Still My Soul", sung by Michael O'Brien, helped me breathe in peace and I encourage you to find it on iTunes, a portion of the words are below. I will try to add the song to the playlist on my blog.

"Be still my soul. The hour is hastening on, when we shall be forever be with the Lord. When disappointment, grief and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joy restored. Be still my soul, when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed, we shall meet at last."

"He will have no fear of bad news..."

"He will have no fear of bad news, his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." This verse in the Psalms nearly always takes my breath away. And the devotional entry by Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892) this morning from "Morning and Evening" pushed me into God's trustworthy, loving embrace. I have to share it with you!

     "Faith is as much the rule of temporal as of spiritual life; we ought to have faith in God for our earthly affairs as well as for our heavenly business. It is only as we learn to trust in God for the supply of all our daily need that we shall live above the world. We are not to be idle, that would show we did not trust in God, who worketh hitherto, but in the devil, who is the father of idleness. We are not to be imprudent or rash; that were to trust chance, and not the living God, who is a God of economy and order. Acting in all prudence and uprightness, we are to rely simply and entirely upon the Lord at all times.
     Let me commend to you a life of trust in God in temporal things. Trusting in God, you will not be compelled to mourn because you have used sinful means to grow rich. Serve God with integrity, and if you achieve no success, at least no sin will lie upon your conscience. Trusting God, you will not be guilty of self-contradiction. He who trusts in craft, sails this way today, and that way the next, like a vessel tossed about by fickle wind; but he that trusteth in the Lord is like a vessel propelled by steam, she cuts through the waves, defies the wind, and makes one bright silvery straightforward track to her destined haven.
     Be you a man with living principles within; never bow to the varying customs of worldly wisdom. Walk in your path of integrity with steadfast steps, and show that you are invincibly strong in the strength which confidence in God alone can confer. Thus you will be delivered from anxious care, you will not be troubled with evil tidings, your heart will be fixed, trusting in the Lord. How pleasant to float along the stream of providence! There is no more blessed way of living than a life of dependence upon a covenant-keeping God. We have no care, for he careth for us; we have no troubles, because we cast our burdens upon the Lord."

Time Stealer

How do you use time when no one is with you? Do you strive to do more, or do you procrastinate? Do you do whatever you want to do? Are you defensive, as I often am, whenever time management, or prioritization is questioned?

On a conceptual level, I live with the belief that time is a precious gift comes from God. However, functionally I use time as mine. Sometimes, I take a needed short rest which becomes a long escape from responsibilities, followed by discontented thoughts over what I have or envy over what I don't. At other times, my own drivenness to satisfy a need for self-worth and value focuses on building my own kingdom, leaving responsibilities undone and people ignored. By a days end, I am often exhausted or restless, confused, frustrated, annoyed and cranky because I'm chased by gnawing guilt over how I poorly I lived another day.

This guilt, (or should I say, conviction from God), has followed me for a long time until yesterday, when God provided relief and peace when I wasn't even looking for it! How?

It was my second week as small group leader for a 3rd grade sunday school class at church. As the teacher went over each of the 10 commandments, she shared that when God commands, "Do not steal", He communicates that He values hard work. The teacher made the point that when we steal, we take from another's work (ie. copying homework). I suddenly thought, "I steal the time." I steal from my husband. He works so hard so that we can afford for me to stay at home with the girls, and yet, I steal the time he works with electronic distractions. My use of said devices wouldn't be so bad if 30 mins of rest didn't turn into hours of justified "me time" and then hurried housework minutes before Jon gets home.

Minutes later, I sat in the worship service, struggling to admit and confess my thievery; until I remember what Jesus did for me. He was wrongfully convicted of stealing the name of God, declaring himself God. In the religious leader's judgment, Jesus stole from God Himself. There was nothing so vile. And yet, though innocent, Jesus let them murder him, next to other thieve, so that he could rescue you and I from an imprisoned, pointless life and declare us free and valuable.

I should have been on that cross. If my husband, extended family, trusted friends, complete strangers, saw what I do with time, they would have every right to divorce, punish, shame and condemn me. No question. I am the worst time manager, life-liver. To think that Jesus gave up precious time in heaven with God to spend it living and dying to rescue us is astounding. What religion, what god, has ever done this? What a concept that a supreme being would feel compassion and love and come exchange their life for yours and mine? Jesus lived the perfect life, used time faultlessly, with no regrets. His was the only life that counted and He is the only person who at the end of a day and who had the end of his life had complete rest. His last words were, "It is finished."

I came to God yesterday, confessing my thievery that cost Jesus' life, which deeply affected others and which ate at my soul. And then... freedom. Forgiveness. A new start. A new identity. My slate wiped clean. Will I fail again? Yes. But, I do not have to drive life or escape it in fear of being declared a failure. I may fail, but I am no longer a failure. God forgiving me and giving me the faith to believe this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My life counts because Jesus chose to die for me. Your life counts, not because of what you do professionally, how you think, what you look like, what you own, who loves you, how many people you help, or how you use time or money. You are worth knowing because Jesus died for you!

I discontinued my Facebook account yesterday, but I think this part of my story needs to be shared. So, this will be my last post shared on Facebook. In closing, I hope you will take whatever may be gnawing at you, or consider if there is nothing troubling you, and talk to God. If all you say in your mind to Him is "God..." life changes because in that moment you consider how you may need someone else besides yourself to navigate life. Consider what it might be like to know rest, peace and pressures lifted from someone outside of your own striving or flighting. In the words of ancient Christians, Peace be with you.

The Cinderella Man and Me

"So much in me seeks influence, power, success, and popularity," writes Henri Nouwen about his journey in deciding to leave Harvard to serve at Daybreak; a home for the mentally and physically disabled in Canada. He admitted that even when he considers choosing a smaller way, he wants that way to become something spectacular.

This resonates with me as fall approaches and opportunities for engaging in new activities emerge. I want to do great things; things considered great by the world around me. Nouwen says, "the way of Jesus is the way of hiddenness, powerlessness, and littleness." I am tempted to add to this hidden work: motherhood + 'perfect' training, housekeeping + craftiness,  home + booming side job. I want this hidden work to look spectacular so that I a feeling that my life counts for something. This striving never satisfies.

Consider Jesus, born in a small town, grew up unknown, and though his ministry did reach great numbers of people it 'ended' in his humiliating, lonely, seemingly powerless, death. Yet he served quietly because he walked with God, experiencing His stamp of approval. Nouwen says that when Jesus came to be baptized he did, "not appear with great fanfare as a powerful savior, announcing a new order." Instead, God affirmed his quiet company with sinners by saying, "This is my Son, the Beloved; my favor rests on him."

As Jesus died, he gave up God's presence for loneliness, praise for rejection, death so that we, enemies of God, could have the same affirmation that he had always known. Today, because of what Jesus did, God announces to me, and to you if you are His, "You are my child, the Beloved; my pleasure rests on you."

Consider the movie about the Cinderella Man, one of the greatest American boxers of all time, who at the end of the movie, wins an incredible victory. The music sweeps the viewer up in happiness for the winner and in dreams of what such praise and satisfaction must feel like. And yet, as Christians, we can live with that same, if not greater, sense of value and rest-filled accomplishment, as we walk life with God!

Practicing this is harder than knowing it to be true. But, if I keep a child-like faith, it can be so simple and attainable. Today I pray to forget myself and in turn walk with God; that this experience will transform the hows and whys of my housecleaning, craft-making, decision-making, child-training, meal-planning, health-caring, husband-loving, friend-listening, volunteering ways.

Sharing with Another's Suffering

Here is a great blog post from Tullian Tchividjian on how responses to suffering. I admit that I am guilty of moralizing or minimizing suffering. At times I have wondered if suffering (my own or that of others) has been a result of misbehavior. I have also minimized my own suffering, and that others, by either trying to find what good will come from it or by offering spiritual platitudes. In recent months I have had the privilege of walking with others in their suffering and have done all of the above. When I did so, I remember feeling so uncomfortable, thinking, "this doesn't sound or feel right." I think I clearly have lots of room to grow in my understanding of Christ's suffering on the cross and what it means to have him present with me in my times of suffering. The most healing words of comfort have come from  a friend who recently said, "I'm so sorry" and nothing more, and from God, who spoke to my spirit, "I am here."

Explanations Are A Substitute For Trust

Two-Faced Wonders

Picture this: A Latina woman, born in Mexico, raised in California, talking to (me) a white woman born in the U.S. but raised in Mexico. I spoke to her in Spanish, she answered me in English; and so our conversation continued in two languages. The white girls speaking Spanish and the tan girl speaking English. Our kids swimming around us.

Moments later over lunch, the Latina family walked away. And a party of Americans loudly declared, "I don't care that they speak Spanish, but they speak it so loudly. Why can't they learn English...". I found myself shaking my head in judgment of their poor judgment. And all this right after reading this morning about leaving judging to God. God help me. Help me not judge the covers of people. Help me move toward people because Jesus did.

Is the church relevant in city life?

This is a portion of reflections by Henri Nouwen in his book, The Road to Daybreak. While on a weekend trip to Paris, he visited St. Gervais and read a flyer about the brothers and sisters of Jerusalem* serving that church community. It said:

"Life in the city today is a wilderness for the masses of men and women who live alone, some worrying about the future, some unconcerned, each unknown to the other. The brothers and sisters of Jerusalem want to live in solidarity with them, just as they are now, and wherever they are. They wish to provide them with some kind of oasis, freely open to all, a silent place alive with prayer, in a spirit of welcome and sharing, where real life means more than mere talking or acting. A peaceful place where all people, whatever their social background, their age, or their outlook on life, are invited to come and share in a common search for God.

Church in Charleston, SC

They have chosen to live in Paris, that large city made up of ten million people. Through their own experience of the hardships of city life, with its alienations, its struggles, its work, its restraints, they know the stress, the noise of pollution, the joys and the sorrows, the sinfulness, and the holiness of Paris. Together with the people of Paris, they would like to help point out 'the signs announcing the kingdom' in a very humble way, but wholeheartedly, at once breaking off with the world and living in communion with it, both keeping apart and sharing with others..."

In response, Nouwen says, "I realized that this church has become a home for many people, a place to be together in quiet prayer, a center to form a community, and most of all a foyer that makes it possible to live in Babylon while remaining in Jerusalem."

*The Monastic Fraternities of Jerusalem - "communities of men and women who have chosen the city as their place of prayer, in contrast to the great contemplative orders of the past, which built their monasteries and abbeys in the peaceful countryside."

Grace and Peace for You

If you find the wheels of life going round and round, your life moving from one suffering or challenge to the next... If you feel stuck in the prison of a relationship with hardships and see no way out, no change in sight... If you face the insurmountable mountain of forgiving another, or the dark tunnel of uncertainty... May I pass on to you some encouragement that I received this morning and over this past month of July? They are promises from God for all those who not just believe in his existence, but who have decided to trust that he is good and in his control of all things.

He is a shield about you, the lifter of your head
He is our hiding place and shield (Psalm 119:114)
"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting"
"(you) belong to Christ and Christ belongs to God"
"He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me."
"Do not fear. Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord... The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent."
"Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for that battle is not yours but God's."
"If you lack wisdom, ask God who gives generously."
"Put on the Lord Jesus Christ."
"Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves."
"Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God."
"So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another."
"The night is almost gone, and the day is near."
"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God."


Psalm 119 "My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to Your word... My soul weeps because of grief; strengthen me according to Your word... This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me... Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I keep your word... You are good, and You do good... It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.... In faithfulness You have afflicted me, O may your lovingkindness comfort me, according to Your word to Your servant.... May your compassion come to me that I may live... If Your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction."

"The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace."

Mice, Shots & Potties

I've lived halfway through Monday and already I've killed a mouse, seen a doctor, met with relatives and had a repairman work on the AC unit. The baby grey mouse is currently trapped under a plastic box with weights on top. Its dead. It met its Maker through suffocation. Jon can dispose of him when he gets home. Riley asked if the Mommy is going to come help him; when I told her it was sick. She then told me how it was cute like Cinderella's mice.

After leaving the mouse, we sat for an 1.5 hrs in a doctor's office (parenting in a vaccum). Cara got two shots and gave the nurse a look of vengeance. Once in the car, I called an audible and met up with Jon to see his aunt and uncle from Miami who were passing through. It was great seeing them and while at Cracker Barrel, Riley decided to pee in the big girl potty for the first time. As someone walked into the stall next to us, Riley saw the black orthodic shoes and exclaimed, "Mommy, look! A man is going pee-pee, too"!

After getting Riley a toy prize for successful potty usage; we raced home to meet the HVAC guy for some flooding we'd found under our floors over the weekend. As we approached the house, I saw that I'd accidently given Riley's cup to Cara, who was then pouring lemonade down her chest. Then, as I went to change Cara and put her down for a nap, I remembered that she'd had a diaper explosion this morning and pee was still all over her sheets.

They're both asleep now, the repairman just left, with a small fee (thank God!); and now I wonder how else God might answer my prayer of surrender this morning in which I'd said, "I give you all my plans, you lead me where you want me to go today." Hmmmm...  \:-)

My home, an ark?

"L'Arche offers a home to broken people and gives them a new sense of dignity and self-respect." ~ Henri Nouwen. What is my home like? Do I treat my husband with honor and dignity, or with contempt and disrespect? Lately, I've shown my disdain with my tone of voice and eye-widening gazes to say, "You're not respected." What about as a mother? Do I take the time from my hurried work to help two small girls grow in confidence with their various tasks and explorations? Am I too preoccupied with building my next project, achieving the next badge of skill?


The ark is a picture of safety from the storm. But, this week my home has not been that ark. My own heart has not been an ark. I have to turn to the one person who is always an ark of safety, God Almighty; trusting as I walk in, dirty and broken from my journey, that He will wash my feet, and restore my joy. Perhaps in gazing at Him through prayer, I can receive a taste of safe love and learn to resemble such patience and acceptance towards those closest to me. Maybe then, they will remember to turn to God while in their own storms. For now, my prayer? "God, be my ark".

Holy Tepot and the Girl Song

Today was one of those days when my daughter's mouth would not stop running and I think I can count how many times I heard my name in upwards of 100+. But, as frazzled and exhausted I am by my little talker, my "mini-me", I have to end the day chuckling. As we drove into the parking lot of Home Depot this evening, Riley exclaimed in delight, "Holy Tepot!" Two obvious things there: (1) the level of excitement and (2) the name. And then on the way home, she wanted to listen to the "Girl Song" or as some of you will know it by the name "Paradise" by Coldplay. I loved hearing her sing to it in the back seat with the stereo booming. Good times!

Hidden Immigrants

Hidden immigrants look like they are native born, like they fit in. But, when you interact with them, there is something as distant and unreachable in their personhood as the foreign country in which they were raised or in which they lived for an extended period of time.

This last week has been so encouraging for me as I met a hidden immigrant from Spain and immigrants from South Africa and Finland. We may have lived in vastly different countries, but we don't have to justify our existence, or explain why we see things differently. Being different brings a sense of belonging.

Christ-followers are anything but similar. They come from all types of family backgrounds, countries, economic and social status groups. Yet, their love for Jesus unites them. But, that's typically where the commonality stops. Division sets in with music preference, dress, who has been on a mission group, who is more committed at church, who has life more put together, and so on.

I read this morning that Christianity is the only faith in which its members claim that following God is a delight. Sadly, that delight is experienced privately, between the believer toward God and withheld from Christians whose differences pose some sort of threat.

Western Christians often live as hidden immigrants. They carry inside them a foreign beauty that comes out when around Christians they get-along-with or when on trips of goodwill and mercy. Their beauty decays when its compartmentalized to certain groups, times or places. This beauty is not of their own making, but comes from God. They have a unique privilege of living IN this beauty, whether they are among other Christians or not.

Hidden immigrants know where they are from. They carry the beauty of the old home within them. They love connecting with others from that world. But, this hidden culture, in all its beauty, becomes toxic if loneliness, isolation, discontent, suspicion or pride sets.

I am challenged by what it means to walk with integrity in who God made me and in how to share the wealth given me. The best example is Jesus, and I don't mean that tritely. Christ was the ultimate hidden immigrant. He came from heaven to a depraved world that did anything but accept him. He had every reason to judge the pettiness in others or to withhold his love from those who annoyed him. Yet he lived with integrity; true to himself and to God and God's kingdom ways. He did not live to exert his perfect self, or to belong to the best group of Hebrews.

Jesus shared his beauty when teaching in and out of synagogues; when extending mercy while on trips to other towns, and when walking the streets in his own hometown. His passion, his worship, his connection with others was not relegated to what he was doing nor to his location. His passion was in in God the Father and so the Father was in him.

I find comfort in God's compassion towards me, that He remembers my frame. He knows how I am made and how I struggle walking in integrity with Him in me. I don't have to be perfect. I just need to walk.

Work, Wealth & Poverty

"He wanted to be poor with the poor." I keep thinking about what I read this morning from Henri Nouwen in his book, "The Road to Daybreak", about the founder of L'Arch. Who wants to be poor? And who wants to live with the poor; besides NGO workers, missionaries, Catholic Sisters and Priests? 

My working definition of labor is to strive in some purposeful direction, to attain something, rise above or go beyond the present condition. When I worked in mortgage finance, I strived to close as many houses in a month as possible. I once labored to increase the number of health care users among Latino employees. I've helped improve the language ability among Spanish and English learners. I have tried to grow two different sole proprietorships. I've tried improving my housekeeping and parenting skills and to live in a more loving and understanding with my husband. I guess I know something about striving.

In my drive for more, why would I ever want to have less or live with those with less; unless it were to boost my own sense of value? And yet, to be Christian is to want to be more like Jesus. And to be more like Jesus is to have less. Jesus, the eternal, powerful, self-sustaining, contented God, gave up such wealth to live among the poor of this earth, me and you - that he might make us rich in ways we can not possibly begin imagining.

This morning, I read in Psalm 103 in the Bible that God is compassionate with me, slow to anger, gracious, abounding in kind love. He has removed my guilt and shame as high as the heavens, so great is his love. He does not treat me as my brokenness deserves. As I read these words, my broken, downcast heart began to heal. I felt thirsty, and at the encouragement of God in Revelation 22:17, I came to him freely, wanting as much as He might give to restore me. 

How might I approach work in light of such wealth from God? For me, it means being less self-absorbed in my tasks; which I typically do to medicate my own loneliness and emptiness. It means pausing from my "have-to-dos" to read a story or acknowledge my daughter's latest discovery. It means fixing another meal, handling more bodily fluids, and receiving little, if any notice from others. It means becoming poor; intentionally living with the poor. My daughters are not poor, like the child in this picture. But, they are dependent emotionally, physically and mentally on the help of others. To be a child is to need. If one is in need, one is poor. 

If you or I want to be near Jesus, then this means going where He might be found in our places of work. For a stay-at-home mother it might mean finding him changing a diaper. Or as a parent, seeing him help with homework instead of reading or watching t.v. Or as a husband, watching him listen, yet again, to his wife's detailed stories or complaints. Or as a student, watching him befriend the unpopular classmate or striving for that B that never gets noticed. Or in the office, finding him quietly filing another's work, or going to lunch with coworkers he knows will gossip and complain. Or finding him praying in a quiet room, accepting (in the world's eyes) a lesser job position, less valued work, or less pay; or death on a cross - all out of love of God's love for him, and his love for others.

My prayer today. "Father, help me cease striving, accept and rest in the wealth you've given me and put in my heart the love you have for the poor around me. Protect me from judging others because as you say, 'I myself do the same as they'. I ask this confidently because Jesus' death made it possible for me to approach you, Amen."

A Lighter Side of Life

This morning I woke up asking God to lighten the day. Of course the day isn't ending in peals of laughter, but here are a few highlights that remind me to (1) not be too introspective and (2) include these in my 'Blessings' journal tonight.

1. Appeals for "macanoni n cheese" while shopping
2. Red faced and fixing my shirt in the middle of Costco after my toddler pulled at my shirt loudly asking "to see...."
3. Watching Riley eat a huge hot dog with 'reds and yellows' on it and covering her face in it
4. Watching Cara knock a large Sprite off the table and all over the floor to the disdain of hurried office workers on their lunch break
5. Feeling embarrassed at my lack of lunch control while watching a mother of six boys!!!
6. Reading Cinderella to a VERY captive audience
7. Organic Chocolate Chocolate Chip Ice Cream from Whole Foods, is there anything better during naps?

How can I not smile at these small blessings and awkward moments? I've started recording these blessings in a journal over the last month, in response to the book "One Thousand Gifts" - which I've temporarily put down because its a little too serious for me right now. But, I love the idea of looking for God's personal gifts to me in every day life. I encourage you to do the same!

Cities, Subs & Silos

How does one live contentedly and at peace with where they are? I often get this itch to live in the city, with all its energy, people, noises, smells and events. I grew up in a city of 34 million people. I've travelled to a few cities in Europe, Asia, Central and North America. I love cities. But, I also love the countryside and have visited the farm of distant relatives in Schenectady, NY. I love the isolation and smells of mountain forests and the healing sound of ocean waves. But the suburbs? I became truly acquainted with suburb life while in college, where the surrounding city had under 1 million residents. What's to love about this attempt to combine city commodities with country space? Starbucks drive-thru, backyards, shopping malls, fireflies, chain restaurants, increased safety...

What does the city have that a suburb does not? Varying answers abound, and often with a tone of snobbery that accompanies those who, by their physical location, seem to claim they have reached the apex of a meaningful living. A suburb may have the appearance of little energy, but I find the non-stop pace and loneliness of city life carries on in the homes and hearts of suburb dwellers. And I am certain that men and women attempting to fill silos with 24/7 labor, depending on variables completely outside their control, would also show heart struggles similar to city and suburb dwellers.

As a mother, working full-time in the our home, with children age 3 and under, I miss the freedom of eating out whenever I want, having a little money for travel that isn't only to see extended family. I miss the value that volunteer work for city needs once gave my life. But, I need not look for my value in what I do, where I live or in other's opinions (or perceived opinions) of me. My life has value because over two thousand years a poor man died to give me life and freedom and he did this before I ever achieved or became anything by my culture's standards.

I recently read an interesting bit from famous 19th Century London author and preacher, Charles Spurgeon, which prompted this post. He comments on a passage in the Bible (I Chronicles 4:23) which talks about menial, unknown laborers working for the King as lowly potters and farmers. He says, "They may have desired to live in the city, amid its life, society, and refinement, but they kept their appointed places, for they also were doing the King's work. The place of our habitation is fixed, and we are not to remove from it out of whim and caprice, but seek to serve the Lord in it, being a blessing to those among whom we reside." And then he says, "In all works of faith we may count on Jesus' fellowship. It is when we are in his work that we may reckon his smile. Ye unknown workers... be of good cheer...Dwell ye with the King for his work, and when he (God) writes his chronicles your name shall be recorded."

My work may be unknown by my city, it may lack meaning as defined by religious and irreligious culture because I am not working outside the home. But, nor I am more superior by closing my Mary Kay business and choosing to stay at home full-time right now. I have value because Jesus chose to place his spirit within me. I can walk and talk with him, no matter where I live, what my roles or tasks may be. Therein, I am slowly discovering a contentment not of this world.

Home Management System

Before I married, I searched for effective time management at work, but as a stay-at-home mother and wife, life continues to get more complex. I've used a version of the below schedule for over 4 years now and have made some recent adjustments. Its not something I use every week but, when after a busy season, this schedule is comfortable and easy to fall back into. I share this only because I figure it could spur ideas in the care of your own life. Its in no way meant as a brag board. Every life is different, with its own set of obligations, circumstances and people to love. But, if you need structure, like I do, then it may help.

The weekly chart goes in my Home Management Binder, which I try to reference at the start and/or end of each day. I print one for each new week. I do not number my priorities since they constantly change and I want to be flexible and yet still have a guide.

One thing not in the weekly calendar is a Laundry Day because I like doing one load of laundry daily, from start to finish (except on Sunday, if I can help it).

The Prioritization Chart has been the recent key to my success in better carrying out my goals. I took categories from Kenneth Blanchard's book, "On Time Manager", and created this check list.

The most rewarding part of this prioritization chart is how it eliminates a lot of guilt from unfinished tasks and the self-imposed shame from broken verbal commitments. It helps me stay focused.

One thing I try to add each week is doing one special thing for each person in my family. For example, intentionally playing dolls with Riley, or fixing a candlelight dessert for Jon. I got this idea from Linda Dillow's book, "Creative Counterpart", and its wonderful.

I hope this post serves to encourage as you seek ongoing ways of loving others and working well with the time given you. Let me know if you want me to send you the actual excel document so that you can adapt your own. (Ie. If your days off are on Sun/Mon, then move my Sat ideas to your Mondays).

The Agony of Waiting

A family trip to a Costa Rican beach at the age of eight carries memories of Dad's injuries on a reef while snorkeling, my sister burnt pink and my brush with death. My friends and I swam in the waves as moms chatted on the beach. When suddenly a mighty force sucked me down and away from safety. I clamored in the dark, breath escaping, terror on every side. Then, clasp... A rock fills my small hands as the water rushed past. And as suddenly as I was pulled away, the ocean catapulted me in summersaults toward the beach. Choking for air, I stumbled towards my mother, exclaiming my brush with death. She murmured "Uh-huh" in that characteristic Mommy-distracted way. Even though my rescue went unnoticed, I scampered on with full assurance that God had saved me; and He knew it, too.

So, yesterday, I faced another grueling day of waiting. Waves of unknown possibilities raced past me as I clamored the minutes for reassurance and hope. Then His words, written for me, said, "I am your rock". Safety. But, can I trust God's safety? Life is hard, scary and the promise of Paradise is not for this life. Can I hold on? Or will I be washed away by this sea of darkness?

Then a reminder, a rock of promise cupping my hands. The image of a guiltless man dying in agony on a cross, waiting... Waiting for the end. But, this savior, my savior, faced his darkness with no Savior. His father would not rescue him, but instead rejected him in disgust. The sky turned dark, and as the waves of death pull Jesus, he let go and did not reach for safety. He cried in agony to his father, but still let the waves take him. God, his father, did not give him a rock. He let him die.

Father and son waited in agony for three days. Separated. Then a catapult. The Father grabbed is lifeless son and took him to shore, completely restored. This resurrection became the promise for me, my family, and any who will believe that God overcame death. The great terrors and despairs of this world will not take me out to sea and leave me there alone. Unlike Jesus, the Father, has given me a rock. Salvation. If I believe that Jesus died for me, that someone with the power over death really made a way for me to escape eternal, terror-filled darkness, then I will reach Paradise.


This promise of blissful rest became food for the day; a taste of Paradise. No matter how hard my waiting, it will never be like the waiting of Jesus on the cross. What strong love; compelling me to live in grateful hope, as God continues rescuing my frightened mind endless images of Paradise.

House Cleaning - Part 2

I've been organizing my home to maximize space, simplify my cleaning and live in a more cost-effective and eco-friendly way. Here are some things I've tried so far that have been working:

Gathered chords under my desk

I bought two shoe racks. One for my laundry room to hang cleaning supplies. It has eliminated a vast amount of clutter, helped my easily find products. And it will keep me from buying multiples. The second shoe rack is on the back of the pantry door. It holds oatmeal packs, straws, chocolate chips, and other small items that clutter my pantry.

Yesterday I used the lemon in the showers and it made them look brand new, even my husband noticed. One bathroom faucet lost nearly all of its stains I inherited from the previous owner! This one lemon did more than my bottle of 409 has ever done.

I bought a pack of three-in-one skirt hangers from Walmart and picked my boots up off the closet floor. Ahhh,  floor space...

 I bought a tackle box in the fishing department at Walmart and organized the battery packs floating around in my kitchen door!

 I bought a cereal box from Kroger and if anything, it helps me feel cleaner, asid from the fact that it is working. I dropped the middle consul in the van and placed it in between the seat, along with my purse.

I've been doing this for a few years, but it works and I love it. Take a lint roller to your lamp shades. Its works so fast!

This morning I gave our coffee pot its first vinegar treatment. Don't ask how long its been since I've had the coffee maker. But, it should help improve the taste of our Dunkin Donuts coffee. Take one cup of vinegar and two cups of water, pour in, with a clean coffee filter. Run the coffee pot. Unplug and let it sit for 15-20 minutes. Pour our water and dispose of the filter. Fill pot with water and run the coffee maker two times to get rid of the vinegar taste. Use a paper towel to wipe down the interior crevices while there is moisture.



** All images gathered from the web and pinterest. My own aren't far off!

House Cleaning Made Easier!

I've found some new tips that have been changing how I care for the home. Dare I say that I'm actually enjoying it a lot more?! Here is what I've started doing that's actually working:

1. Clean one room daily for 10 mins and do not leave that room until the time is up (I use a timer). Leave one 15-45 mins cleaning for the weekend, but let it be a specific task that needs more than 10 minutes.

2. Work in one direction, like clockwise, and then from top to bottom.

3. Run the dishwasher at night and empty it in the morning.

4. Do a morning and evening cleaning burst to straighten up for the day; like making sure the sink is empty.


More to come later. Let me know what's working for you!

Buffalo Chicken Dip, Slaves & Flurries

This Monday we had friends over for the AL vs LSU game. I had so much fun setting up some decorations, making some 'guy food' for Jonathan and his buddies. My Blue Moon was mighty tasty! Coming from a wine girl, that's saying something!! The guys LOVED the beef hoagies and buffalo chicken dip; though I'm not a fan of Buffalo flavored anything.

And there is nothing like some winter flurries to inspire writing. What I can't get out of my head is what I read this past weekend in Matthew 24:42-51. Jesus encourages listeners to lookout for his return. His words have inspired my work as house manager and mother. He compares His relationship with his followers to that of a slave and his master (keep the early 1st century cultural context of 'slave & master' in perspective). He says, "Who then is the faithful and sensible slave whom his master put in charge of his household to give them their food at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. Truly I say to you that he will put him in charge of all his possessions."

So, as I care for the home, its actually not my household nor Jonathan's, its God's. He has entrusted me with His home and the precious lives in it. I'm often tempted to ignore the girl's needs and delay meeting them in order to pursue my own interests ("for a break") but the question is are they getting their needs met at the "proper time"? I'm am so motivated to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to caring for this home and giving thoughtful and purposeful training in raising these girls.

I would love for Jesus to return and welcome him in my home. This has been a positive cure for laziness, fear-driven labor or people-pleasing. I have been placed in care of God's home, this home. And if I am faithful with it, God will place me in care of his possessions. Mind-boggling. Why succumb to cultural pressures to get a corporate job in order to feel valuable and significant. I am significant because I am God's and He has placed me in charge of the most treasured things of His!

Applying the faith and work concept

This morning I am touched by the encouragement of Charles Spurgeon to bask in the words "I will be their God" in Jeremiah 31:33. And then I read in Matthew 28, "I am with you always". The goal is experiencing the presence of God. The work? To practice and remember this reality throughout today.

Faith & Work: As a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Right now I work part-time with Mary Kay Cosmetics (don't laugh!) but most of my full-time work is as a home manager and mother. I'm interested in talk directed towards the role of faith and work in the life of the stay-at-home mother. So far, most is limited in scope, imagination and application.

I have not arrived at any firm conclusions, but the following thoughts and parallels stand out and are written from my Christian worldview:

1. When faith is present, one's identity is not in the type of profession, but in being part of the Church. In other words, I am not a stay-at-home-mom, but a woman who belongs to the body of Christ and who,  for now, works in the home. This opens so many doors for learning how to live out the buzz word, "your identity in Christ".

2. Many American Christians have become secularized by adopting the "right to choose" as the most basic and fundamental human value. For a stay-at-home-mom it can mean choosing which activities won't conflict with the family (cultural) goal of rest and recreation. After all, American culture works to play. Work, by and large, is no longer meaningful; meaning is found in recreation with billions of dollars  spent on it each year. If I am truly changed by the parable of The Good Samaritan, who stopped to aid an undesirable at great expense to his purse, his reputation, physical safety and time; then I must submit my choices to the interests of Christ.

3. Hyper-regulation of time or the extreme lack of discipline with it can lead to selfish pleasure or comfort living. I know from lots of personal experience. How do I fight against this form of cultural naval-gazing? For one example, I can look at the evangelical church. The older a church gets, the less it tends to engage society and the more it looks inward. Just as a church can become divided the older it gets, so can a family.

Jonathan and I have started out thrilled with the new lives around us. But, how can we use this season of "bunker living" to build a firm foundation in Christ's strength and direction? We could just survive. Somehow blow through these years with some happy memories and avoid the weaknesses exposed in ourselves and in our marriage because of the financial, time and physical pressures involved in raising small children. But, just like the beginning years of the early Church in the book of Acts, these bunker years set the tone for the future.

Back in the late 80's, Tim Keller described American evangelical churches as a bunch of schools. Mostly talking, little doing. Since our home is a little church, are we a lot of talk and little doing? Will the girls learn to talk with an immigrant worker's child in their classroom, or an international student (and future world leader) at their university, or will they just "know" that being friends with such people is good but only know how to engage with those who are anglo, educated and suburban? Will they know how to forgive and ask for forgiveness, how to spend money, how to submit to their husband and in so doing love the connection of that submission with how Christ submitted his will to live for their salvation?

These early, helpless years (for both parents and children), shape the older years. Unlike a young church that later turns inward, sometimes collapsing or dividing, I hope we will counter such trends and I think it begins by learning how to bring faith into the work of building a family. This is where connecting our identity with a church is vital. The church is messy at best, but its identity is connected to God and learning how of His love for the church is a key to learning how to live as a person and a family.

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly of Today!

The GOOD:
* Saturday morning pancake breakfast
* Eating dinner, which I didn't cook, at Cracker Barrel
* Playing dollies, Buzz, Woody, and Tinker Bell with Riley
* Having time for a spot of tea, from the favorite tea cup

The BAD:
* Jon having to work
* 9 month old Cara eating an entire large Kroger sticker that Riley gave her
* Riley choking and then crying at Cracker Barrel
* Having to change my clothes 4 times today


The UGLY:
* Suddenly coughing and then vomiting all over Cara (and myself) while changing her diaper and the doctor calling me back at the same time to check on Cara's swallowed sticker
* Cara later spitting up on me, again, after my clean shower
* Watching Dumbo three times today

Favorite Things for Today

So far, these are some of things making today special:

* Drinking tea out of my favorite tea cup
* Getting fully dressed (with makeup) before waking the girls
* These words by Charles Spurgeon, "Absence from Christ is hell; but the presence of Jesus is heaven."
* Fixing Riley's hair in a striking ponytail and seeing Cara smile as we practiced her sitting up!
* The new app "CCEL Bible" with morning/evening devotions by Spurgeon and Thomas A Kempis

These are a lot cheaper than Ellen's or Oprah's Favorite Things!!!